From Maven to Mama

I guess it happens to us all.   Well, maybe not all of us, but certainly most.  I became a mother and lost just about everything else that made me an individual.  I really didn't mean for it to happen - I thought long and hard about this during my pregnancy.  I was determined to hold on to all those wonderful, quirky things that made me a cool chick...someone I would actually be friends with if I met her on the street.

And so then it happened.  I endured one of the scariest, most anxiety filled pregnancies ever.  Bleeding, hospitalizations, complete bedrest and a line of doctors telling me to prepare for the worst.  Fetal death or birth defects.  

From the second I felt the blood pouring out of me at 22 weeks, I became a mother.  An overprotective, child-centered mother who had no idea how to cope.  To hell with the world - I had a baby to protect.  

Amazingly, we defeated the odds and ended up with a very healthy, completely precious little boy who, though born early and quite small, needed not one moment in the NICU.  From the moment my our eyes met, it was as true a love story as any.  I have spent the last 17 months falling deeper and deeper in love with him.  And while it is a wonderful, fulfilling romance, I am starting to realize that if I don't start reclaiming myself just a little bit, I won't have anything left for either of us (not to mention my husband and other loved ones.)

So I ended up here - creating a space to purge some thoughts and make some connections.  Its time I started to take a little time to work out all these new mother thoughts and problems.  And I know there are others out there like me.  Hopefully we find each other.