Emerging

It has been many, many moons since my last post.  I have often thought of sitting down and pounding out the thoughts... I just haven't had the focus or, more accurately, the clarity to get it done.  Pregnancy has been unkind to my brain and I often feel overwhelmed by even the smallest task these days.  I am now 37 weeks and finding myself consumed with emotions, exhausted, uncomfortable and, of course, just a bit anxious about what the coming weeks will bring.

The great news is that I will be having my home birth after all!  I miraculously found a midwife who is willing to work with with me regardless of my history.  She is not certified and therefor our circumstance is a bit different than most homebirthers, and for all intents and purposes our experience will look like an unassisted birth.  There are a whole bunch of *interesting* legal matters that come with this, but instead of rehashing all of that, I will just say that we are in warm, capable, loving hands and I have no fear of what will come.

Yep, that's right, I said I have no fear.  This is not easily accepted in the pregnant community.  Every childbirth book or class speaks extensively about "working through your fears" and "finding your inner peace" with regards to the birth process.  This speaks volumes about what our society teaches women about childbirth and everything that goes along with it.  Just think about the last time you were with a group of women chatting about their birth experiences - I am sure most of the women tried to "one up" each other with the horror of their stories and glorified the use of epidural anesthesia in order to "get through" the pain.  No wonder women are afraid to give birth!  Pain and fear are all they have been taught! 

I trust my body, I trust the process and I know that what will be is exactly what is supposed to be.  I am not naive, I am not ignorant.  I know it will hurt and it may be the most exhausting and difficult experience I will ever have.  But I will live every moment of it as only I can and it will be mine.  The human species has survived tens of thousands of years by the grace and strength of women who have had babies in the purest form - by trusting their bodies and letting nature take over.  I look forward to sharing in this great tradition.