Good Grief

Having working in OB for several years, I had the opportunity to meet and befriend many pregnant women.  I often admired their strength, beauty and ever-changing bodies, hoping one day to celebrate my pregnancy in the same fashion of dignity and joy.  Well... hoped as I did, this simply is not to be my reality.  My first pregnancy was a train wreck from the beginning, having been on bedrest almost the entire time and having a c-section at 35 weeks.  This time around, though healthy and happy, I somehow feel worse right now than I ever did last time.  

I knew that the last month or so of pregnancy would be tough.  I knew that having a toddler who loves constant attention from his Mama would add to the difficulties.  I knew that the aches and pains would only get worse and that *things* would start to happen to my body that were beyond the realm of explanation.  What I did not expect, however, was to feel quite this bad.

I want to be that beautiful, glowing woman who relishes every moment of carrying her new blessing in her belly.  I want to be able to enjoy these last couple of weeks (or days - I can hope, right?).  

But gravity is unkind, and the weight of my belly is causing pains in places I did not even know existed within my body.  Not to mention the roller-coaster of emotions that not only seem to dictate my every move, but also change from moment to moment without any warning whatsoever.  This is not pretty.  This is not fun.  This needs to end very soon.

The only conclusion I can come to is that most women simply do not discuss the horror of these last few weeks.  Perhaps it's due to embarrassment, or maybe they don't want to be seen as weak.  It's not very popular to admit that you are at the end of your rope and that pregnancy is just about the worst thing ever.  But I am not afraid to stand up and say I HATE THIS!!!!  I love my babies more than anyone or anything, but I am never, ever doing this again.  

Okay, maybe one more time.  But not for several years.  At least.