What I have come to realize is that the community of love and support that was always present in past generations simply does not exist anymore. It REALLY does take a village to raise a child, and yet most of us are left on our own to figure everything out. When I tell people of my struggles, they mostly nod their heads and say something like "yeah, it's hard", when *hard* does not even begin to describe it. Most days I feel like I am an island - people come to visit, but nobody ever stays for very long.
Even in our parent's generation, families lived in closer proximity than they do now. If your mom or sister lived across town, it was only a short drive for them to get to your place. Now, we are strewn across the country - or if we live in the same city, traffic is so bad and it is so hard to get around that visiting relatives becomes something only done on holidays or special occasions. Children hardly know their extended families because we rarely see them.
It used to be that everyone in the *village* had a hand in raising the children. We watched out for each other - helped care for the house, fed everyone's kids, watched the little ones while mom got her errands done or maybe even just took a nap. This is simply gone. Now, a babysitter has to be arranged and paid for in order to get a few things done. Everything has to be planned well in advance so that schedules can be made and those spontaneous times of rest just don't exist anymore.
I am lonely. I wish that I had a bunch of people on my block that I knew and trusted and could hang out with during the day. I wish my relatives lived within walking distance. I wish I felt up to going out and making some new mommy friends, but the pressure to pretend like everything is *okay* is just too much to handle right now.
Sigh...
You are so right! My family is always willing to help but they all work full time and they live 45 minutes away, and my in laws live 15 min away but don't want to help. I sometimes feel like if I could even get 30 min to myself(during a baby's nap does't count), or even 30 min with an adult without any kids around I would be a little more normal. I also wish my husband had a better grasp on it. I feel like sometimes he doesn't think I do much at all. It can be so overwhelming at times. I was just saying yesterday that I can't remember the last time I sat down and had a cup of tea, or even showered without rushing because someone was going to wake up, or was already crying or because whoever happened to be here to help needed to leave.
ReplyDeleteI think part of the problem is the pressure I feel to get everything done and get it done well. If I am going to be a stay at home mom then I feel like I should do all that comes with it cause' lets face it...this is my job. But by the time the kids are asleep, and the house is clean and dinner is put away etc. it is 11 and my toddler wakes up at six, and the baby gets up twice a night. I am sure it will get easier :)I also definitely think it helps to talk to people who know what you are going through.
Take care